30 Days of Gratitude: Day 30

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am extraordinarily thankful for a kind, loving, forgiving God that sacrificed his son that we may all receive forgiveness. My thirty days of being grateful has certainly helped to set my mind and soul back on the right(eous) path. Thank you, Lord!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 29

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for my asthma medicine. I have had an interesting journey with my health, and it all began with an asthma diagnosis when I was 22. Thank you, Lord, for preventative medicine!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 28

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for being a bit of an extrovert, because I will be on stage with the third graders at their concert on 12/12/12. Their teacher wants to accompany them on piano, so I will be playing my green Yamaha recorder with the kids through their Recorder Karate program.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 27

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for our gym. Not only does it allow me to get stronger and healthier, but it allows The Husband the chance to help Big Girl with her basketball skills while the little girls are in the Kids Space.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 26

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful that I set my own schedule. After dropping off the girls at school, I can hang with my littlest girl and snooze if I want to. 2:30 am to 7:30 am just is not enough sleep, but I got a lot accomplished last night.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 25

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for kind neighbors. Not only did one pass on a free ticket to an awesome craft sale, but another picked up our packages for us while we were gone this weekend. I love our neighborhood.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 24

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for snow and its intrinsic individuality and beauty.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 23

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for a win for my Mountaineers. They really needed that. 

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 22

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for my family. I am blessed with my husband and four amazing daughters in addition to the best parents and in-laws anyone could want, a loving and kind extended family, and the dearest, strongest, most incredible set of best friends that we call family. I love each and every one of you and wish you the happiest Thanksgiving.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 21

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for being close enough to spend holidays with my family again. I missed these times when we lived 18-20 hours away.

We are spending Thanksgiving with my parents for the second year in a row, and I am ever so grateful for this opportunity.  I spent twelve Thanksgiving holidays with my husband's family in Minnesota, which I greatly miss, and it is wonderful to be able to spend this holiday with my parents again.  Feeling very blessed.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 20

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for my daughters' teachers and the efforts put forth on both sides of their relationship to make their school year such a success so far.

We are so blessed to have wonderful teachers that are excellent at every aspect of their jobs.  I could not ask for better matches for all three of my school-aged girls than the fine educators with whom they have been paired for this school year.  All three are excelling and progressing at a fantastic rate, and I owe quite a lot of that success to these incredible women.  Thank you.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 19

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for being respected as a musician, teacher, and advocate for the arts. What a blessing and a dream fulfilled to be doing exactly what I'm meant to do and earning the respect of my colleagues in the process.

I have known since the age of sixteen that I want to be a professional musician and music teacher.  I have worked tirelessly for the past twenty years to make this dream a reality.

When I was in high school, I poured myself into my music and schoolwork as a means to garner recognition, awards, and scholarships.  I was determined to see that I "got out" of West Virginia and made something of myself.  As time passed and I gained more and more recognition on the national level, I realized how much my music was a part of who I was, a part of my very soul. There really was no other career path for me. I was meant to be a musician and a music teacher. That is just who I am.

Following graduation from college, I moved to Minnesota to begin my new life with The Boy.  When I moved to Minnesota, I knew no one other than my then-fiancé.  After working in the engineering and mathematics fields for the first 15 months, I was absolutely miserable.  Granted, I loved teaching College Algebra at the University of Minnesota, but it still left a bit of a hole.  I will not even go into the horrible experience I had with civil engineering and how depressing I found it as a career.  Suffice to say that civil engineering is definitely not the creative outlet I need.

While a newlywed and freshly pregnant (my honeymoon souvenir), I began to seek out new opportunities with my music.  There is a fantastic music store in the Twin Cities that hired me to teach beginning clarinet and saxophone lessons for them, and my studio began to bloom.  I became bolder in my self-promotion, and my friends and colleagues suggested me to many schools as a teacher.  Before I knew it, I found myself with a clarinet studio of 30 students per week and a waiting list.  What a huge blessing.  Performance opportunities were always available to me, as well, but my mainstay was my teaching studio.


It was quite difficult for me to leave behind the business I had spent cultivating for ten of my eleven years in Minnesota, but I was able to suggest replacement teachers with confidence.  I have begun this process anew in Maryland, and I am feeling much more confident in my ability to build another successful studio.  I have been welcomed with open arms by the county school system here, and it has given me renewed hope for future success.  While I know it will take time to build another program, I know that God is with me every step of the way.  He has lead me to so many incredible music educators already.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 18

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful to have been raised by godly, wonderful, kind, loving, fair, supportive, firm, and responsible parents. 

I believe that people are products of nature and nurture, but nurture is definitely the largest component of personality and morality, in my opinion.  While I was not raised by my biological parents, I was blessed to be given the most incredible parents a child could want.  

My parents raised me to be respectful, responsible, faithful, determined, independent, educated, and kind.  These traits are now being passed on to my four daughters in much the same ways they were passed on to me via my dad's family.  My children can often be overheard saying, "Now I know where Mom learned how to be a Mom," when we are at my parent's home.  I love hearing those words, because they make me feel like I just might be able to live up to the example set for me by my parents and extended family.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 17

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for all the kind encouragement I get from my wonderful friends and family. You have no idea how happy it makes me that someone else can see and appreciate the art I cook up in my head. Thank you!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 16

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for understanding teachers and the confidence to stick to my guns while teaching my daughter a tough lesson. 

Hitting one's sister with a shoe means that Mom is not turning around to get something said child forgot at home. After many manic pleas and tons of tears, we arrived at school, and I felt the need to speak with her teacher to explain. Her teacher understood and fully supported me. Thank you, Lord.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 15, aka Fifty Shades of Wasted Time

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful that I have so much classic literature in my personal library. With all the less-than-stellar popular novels out these days that don't seem to have been edited at all, I love that I can turn to Twain, Steinbeck, Shakespeare, and the like to help right my literary world once more.

**Disclaimer: Not only does this review contain spoilers, but it is not intended for the younger members of my audience.  Adult subjects are included in this review.

A dear friend shared some sage advice from her father, a writer: Never read a book written in first person.  I wish I had heard that advice before I cracked open this book.

I read the first book of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy at the suggestion of several friends, including the one that lent me the book.  Is this really what tops the New York Times bestsellers list these days?  Do none of the publishing houses require editors any longer?  Has society become so out-of-touch with reality that we are supposed to believe (1) a reclusive, 27 year-old billionaire with the body of Adonis, (2) a nearly-22 year-old virgin without strong religious beliefs that is apparently super smart and beautiful, (3) this book was written by someone other than a wildly inexperienced, fourteen-year-old girl with less than average writing skills and a completely screwed up idea of what romance is?

No, it is not the first time I've heard of BDSM--I blame all the crazy artistic types in my life for educating me on all the darker things out there--and it did not surprise me that Christian was into it.  Wait.  I am getting ahead of myself.

For those who have yet to read this book, let me get you up to speed: Ana's roommate gets the flu and cannot attend an interview, so she sends Ana in her place.  Ana and Christian Grey hit it off in the interview, he basically stalks her, and she falls for him.  He does not like to be touched, he is moody, and he buys Ana all sorts of crazy gifts.  They have a lot of sex, and he has a room of BDSM gear that Ana calls "The Red Room of Pain."  They have more sex.  He makes up rules and ignores them.  She cries.  They have more sex.  Anna's roommate dates Christian's brother, Christian rescues Ana repeatedly, and she allows him to tell her what to do.  How very 1950s, right?  Oh, and they have more sex.  She wises up and leaves (for all of five days, but they still end up getting married in the end, I have heard).  The end.

Problem number one arose quite quickly: if Ana's roommate had worked for six months to garner an exclusive interview with a multi-billionaire, she would drug herself enough to forget she had the flu and do the interview anyway.  She most certainly would not pawn it off on an inexperienced non-journalist.  Obviously, this interview and its subject were very important to her, and if she persisted in calling his office daily for six months to request the interview, a little sickness would not deter her.

Problem two is the writing style, or lack there of.  The beginning and end of the book could not have been edited by the same person as the middle, because there are major grammatical errors and a sophomoric level of vocabulary.  Ana constantly refers to her female genitalia as "down there."  Are we to believe that a book labeled with a mature content warning would lamely refer to genitals as "down there"?  In the middle, she improves slightly, and I mean slightly, by referring to her genitalia as her "sex".  So, the author is comfortable writing about penetration with a riding crop but not with the words "clitoris" or "vagina"?  Sigh.  

While the overall vocabulary, grammar, and style improve in the middle, the same phrases and actions are used ad nauseum.  Ana constantly mutters, "Jeez," Christian frowns, Ana bites her lip, Christian runs his hand through his hair, Ana rolls her eyes, Christian's demeanor changes on a dime, Ana wants to touch him, and Christian does not want to be touched. Yes, the sexual encounters are written fairly well, but all but only two or three of them even include any part of BDSM.  Most of the trysts are normal sexual encounters, albeit a couple of them involved tying Ana's hands together with a tie (so cliché).  After finishing the book, I still find myself wondering why BDSM even entered the picture.  It came across as more of a novelty, really.

Problem three is really a small issue, but it irked me beyond reason.  While Ana and Christian are speaking with each other in the hardware store where she works, she introduces him to her boss's little brother, a Princeton student.  The first words he utters are, "Wait up."  Seriously?  This young man attends Princeton, and I am supposed to believe that he would say, "Wait up — not the Christian Grey?"  Apparently, the ridiculously high level of writing skills he needed to apply to and be accepted by Princeton do not translate to his speech?  A good novel includes just enough plausibility to keep the reader interested.  At this point, I found myself scowling at the book. 

Problem four is the character of Anastasia Steele.  First of all, that name.  Really?  On top of that, I am lead to believe that Ana is nearly-twenty-two, beautiful, brilliant, and a virgin.  Okay.  I am assuming strong religious beliefs will enter the picture, but they do not.  Hmmm.  This is sounding less likely.  She has not even touched herself at that age?  This is getting a lot less believable.  She has multiple orgasms on her first sexual experience and every single time after that?  All plausibility just went down the drain.  Gone.  Done.  This is ridiculous.  Did I mention that she can orgasm on Christian's command?  

Problem five is the character of Christian Grey.  I am expected to accept that he is twenty-seven, has the body of a Greek god, and is a billionaire.  I found myself still wondering how he got to be a billionaire at the end of the book.  Apparently, he can play the piano beautifully, masterfully choose wine, and hock Apple, Blackberry, and Audi repeatedly, too.  Sure.  My husband and I joke that he is really a vampire, which is how he learned so much and got so rich.  Considering that Fifty Shades began as Twilight fan fiction, it would fit.  I digress.

On and on the list goes, which is why I am so thankful that I can turn to masterfully-written pieces of literature to right my slightly askew brain.  I have never been so happy to crack the spine of my Twain short stories collection.  Thank you to all my wonderful English teachers that taught me to value the classics.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 14

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I find myself extraordinarily thankful that I had four pregnancies that carried to term and brought home four healthy, incredible baby girls. Thank you Lord for these four miracles that give back to me in a multitude of ways daily. My life will forever be *millions* of times more meaningful and happy because of my children.

Today, I was moved by a post concerning the incredible organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.  This is an excerpt from their website concerning what NILMDTS does:

NILMDTS extends our sincerest sympathy to families who are in need of our services. Offering gentle and beautiful photography services in a compassionate and sensitive manner is the heart of NILMDTS. We hope the gift we provide will bring some peace and comfort during this very difficult time.

I have been blessed to never have to experience the kind of loss these parents have, and words simply cannot express my gratitude for this blessing.  God has truly kept me and my girls firmly in His grasp and saved us from this sort of heartbreak.  When I found out that a childhood friend recently experienced such a loss, it broke my heart all over again.

Please pray for these parents, babies, medical professionals, and the caring photographers that volunteer to document their last moments with their children.  As a photographer and a mother, I do not know that I could handle taking these sorts of images, because my heart would be breaking and tears streaming down my face the entire time.  As it is, my cheeks are wet just writing this post.

Please consider donating to the March of Dimes or NILMDTS.  Please help spread awareness for prenatal care, genetic testing, and follow-up care.  Pray for those affected by illness, accident, and stillbirth.  For those of us that have our children at home with us, we should hug them that much tighter today.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 13

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful that my camera will soon be on its way back to me. I never fully realized how much I truly love shooting nearly every day until I could no longer do so.

My Nikon camera stopped functioning properly several weeks ago, and I sold one of my lensed to pay for the repair.  As of today, it looks like my camera will be shipped back to me within the day.

To say that I have felt lost and in a bit of despair without my camera is completely accurate.  I had just begun yet another photo project, knowing not to promise a daily photo this time, and I could not force myself to take those photos with my iPhone camera.  Without a point-and-shoot, I have been relying solely on that iPhone, and it has not let me down.  I have been realistic in my expectations of the photos taken with my phone, which has helped quite a lot.  Those pages in the girls' scrapbooks will just have a little extra story to them.  That is not such a bad thing, though.

The lack of a camera body has lead me to rent another camera from borrowlenses.com for a children's shoot, which has made me very excited at the idea of buying a lightly-used one from a colleague that is a brilliant photographer.  This whole experience, in fact, has helped me to define my actual needs versus wants in my photography business.  In addition, I have been able to really define my style and editing process and be more organized about how I want to approach my photography business in the future.

Once again, I find myself thanking God for yet another blessing in disguise.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 12

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for all the brave men and women who have and do serve in our military in order to protect and preserve our freedom. Thank you! This country wouldn't exist without you.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 11

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for science and medicine.  After feeling pretty rotten last night, I was able to take some medicine to ease my discomfort. This is not readily available in every place in our world, so I am extremely grateful.

As I have become healthier, I have completely overhauled how, where, and when I eat.  I strayed from that plan yesterday afternoon, eating chicken nuggets and fries from Chick-fil-A (definitely not the best choice for an aspiring vegan), and I paid for it all afternoon and evening. The high salt content wrecked my system, and I found myself incredibly nauseous, bloated, in pain, with a headache, and in need of a bathroom for the rest of the day and night.  If it were not for the over-the-counter medicines readily available to me, I would have been miserable for so very much longer.

We tend to take for granted things that others in this world have never even experienced.  Especially at this time of year, I find myself so very thankful for all the comforts I have.  Thank you, Lord, for the doctors, nurses, technicians, pharmacists, and research scientists that you have put in our world to aide us in becoming or remaining healthier.  Thank you, medical professionals, for the work you do every day in our world.  Your work is truly admirable.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 10

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for God's presence in my life and His pushes to be in the right places at the right times.

My journey toward appreciating what I already have is blessing me in a multitude of ways.  I mentioned in a previous post that I have been struggling with the direction in which I would like to take my life.  I have been playing my clarinet (followed by my flute and borrowed saxophones) since I was sixteen, and I have been a paid private instructor since I was nineteen.  That is a lot of time dedicated to my passions, and I do not intend to give up on them anytime soon.  The Lord blessed me with these talents, and I do not intend to minimize them.

I serve on the Howard County Fine Arts Advisory Council, as well as serve as the technology liaison, and this affiliation has lead to many wonderful opportunities for me on a business and personal level.  I have been added to the Howard County Parents for School Music committee as a representative for my daughters' school, the county listing of private instructors, participated on the music panel for our annual Fine Arts College Information Night, and I have been able to network with an abundance of incredibly kind and talented members and supporters of the arts community in Howard County.

One of these incredibly talents supporter of the arts community serves on the HCFAAC and works for the county parks and recreation program.  When she put together a Teen Opportunities Fair, I was so honored that she asked me to represent Music in Howard County.  Having served on the music panel for our College Information Night in 2011 and 2012 helped me on my way to gathering the necessary information for parents and students, but I still had to dig through the information on the county website for even more opportunities that I knew existed.  My extensive experience with teaching advanced high school students in Minnesota for eleven years allowed me to locate the links and information for the Maryland equivalent events, thankfully.

Today was the Teen Opportunities Fair, and I cannot even speak now after standing and conversing with parents and students for over three hours.   I decided to educate parents not only on the opportunities for advancement through and outside of school but also on the process of choosing the appropriate private music instructor.  I brought my teaching curriculum, copies of my résumé, and business cards with me to use as an indicator for a quality private instructor.  What I did not expect to happen was the volume of my business cards that were taken and an impromptu deeper conversation on my teaching ideals and processes with a band director from one of the best music programs in the state.  God put me in the right place at the right time, discussing what I love to do with all my heart.

**11/27: As an update, this trend continued on Monday, November 12th, when the manager of a local music store asked for my card to discuss having me teach there, too.  I have messaged the high school teacher, and I have yet to hear from the store manager, but I am optimistic that these opportunities will come to fruition in due time.  It's all in the Lord's hands and His timing.  If you feel so inclined, I would love prayers of support and encouragement for these potential opportunities to get my clarinet studio back to what it was in Minnesota.  Thank you from every part of my heart.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 9

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for the smiles of my children.  Their sweet faces light up my day. 

My four daughters have given my life meaning that I never knew it could have.  Seeing those gorgeous faces light up in happiness just fills my heart with so much joy that I can hardly stand it.  Thank you, God, for blessing me with their smiles every day.  Thank you for allowing me the honor of being their mother.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 8

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.


Today is so easy. Today, I am thankful for my N. She was my miracle baby six years ago, and she is still my little sweetheart. She has a huge heart and lots of attitude. Happy birthday, N! 

To call my N a miracle is not to be taken lightly.  The only reason she is alive is through the sheer grace of God.

We knew we wanted a third child, so Jim and I were overjoyed when it did not take long to get pregnant.  We thought that would be our last pregnancy, but that is an entirely different, and happy, story.  Everything seemed to be going along as expected with my third pregnancy until I slipped and fell in the bath tub at eight weeks.  At this point, I had not been to see my doctor yet, as per his policy of waiting until 12-14 weeks, and there would have been nothing for him to do if I had fallen badly enough to harm the baby or my womb.  As it was, nothing come of this fall other than a few ugly bruises.

At nineteen weeks pregnant, my stubbornness kicked in when my dishwasher stopped working while my husband was out of town on business.  What would a sane, rational, woman do?  Wait until her husband comes home to install a new one.  What did this insane, irrational, pregnant woman do?  Install it herself the same day he was due home.  I did not over-exert myself or put myself in any danger.  All seemed well.

After my husband returned home that evening, I picked up my then two-year-old daughter to take her to bed.  I felt a sharp pain in my side, but I thought nothing of it.  After tucking in my two other daughters, reading, and singing to them, I headed to the bathroom for the twentieth time that day, thinking it would be like any other day.  My husband knew there was a problem when I began shrieking from the bathroom.  I was bleeding.  That is one of the scariest things to see when one is mid-pregnancy.  Yes, spotting and some light bleeding is common in the beginning and the end of a pregnancy, but those months in between the two should be blood-free.  This was my third pregnancy, and I found myself in unknown territory.

Luckily, I had my mid-term ultrasound scheduled for the very next morning.  As I had already been having minor Braxton-Hicks contractions for weeks, I was quite anxious to have the ultrasound and know that my baby was fine.  Although the technician was not able to find a placental abruption, my doctor felt the need to keep a closer eye on me.  Research shows that only, approximately, fifty percent of placental abruptions can be diagnosed with ultrasound (that number could be different six years later, but those were the statistics when it applied to us).  

As the next two weeks ticked by, I began to notice a lot of cramping and tightness in my uterus.  Being experienced in birthing children, I knew this was not something I wanted to happen mid-pregnancy.  When I brought it up with my doctor, he immediately prescribed partial bedrest for the remainder of my pregnancy.  I was able to continue teaching in 1.5-hour slots of time, with my feet up, not playing my clarinet, and drinking water the whole time.  After 1.5 hours, I was to rest on my left side for thirty minutes before sitting up to teach again.  

I spent an entire summer with my altered routine, all while taking care of my older children, two and four at the time, from the sofa.  My dear, sweet husband would make them lunches and fill their sippy cups every morning and leave them low enough in the refrigerator for my eldest to reach them.  I would read the girls books and play games and watch fun shows with them from my jail cell on the sofa, and they would bring me anything I might need that they could reach.  They were, and are, the best girls in the world.  

Yet another blessing to count in this post is that my mother-in-law taught me how to knit in February of 2006, just four months before my 4.5-month bedrest sentence.  My sweet, patient husband took me every Saturday to my favorite local yarn store, the Yarn Garage in Rosemount, MN, to buy more yarn and patterns to keep me sane.  >I spent those 4.5 months drinking water, resting, reading, and knitting while fighting the preterm labor that threatened to deliver my third child much, much too early.  While those months were worth every second to ensure that my darling N was healthy, my health and playing deteriorated as I was completely inactive.  Again, that is another story for another post.

By late October, at 38 weeks pregnant, I decided that I had had enough of lying around.  I tried to become more involved with day-to-day activities in our home again, but those months of atrophied muscles made it more difficult.  Again, my stubborn nature reigned supreme, and I ended up with a stress fracture in my right foot just one day before delivering my little N.  

At 39 weeks gestation, my doctor induced my labor due to a lightning fast delivery with my second (1.5 hours of labor, three pushes, a 9-pound baby, and I was up and walking within twenty minutes).  Based on the months of complications, we were placed in the very first room by the nurses station, and a NICU team was on call for my delivery.  After starting the Pitocin drip and breaking my water, the nurse came rushing back into my room to turn down the dosage.  N was not tolerating the medicine well, and this trend continued as she repeatedly became distressed when the Pitocin was increased.  Eventually, we opted to nearly turn it off and let nature take its course.

Once our room full of concerned family members took a much-needed break for dinner, everything happened all at once.  I was able to stand without worrying that my dear father-in-law would see my bare bottom, so I took full advantage.  I stood and hugged my husband, and that was all it took for my labor to hit the overdrive stage.  Within ten minutes I went from 4 cm dilation to delivering.  This is precisely the reason my doctor scheduled an induction.

Because of the rapidity of my delivery, the NICU team had to take N very quickly for evaluation.  I barely got to see her, after reaching near-hysteria because the doctor was not showing her to me, before the kind NICU team went to work.  I was so engrossed in watching every movement she and the NICU team made that I was barely aware that I was following instructions to expel the placenta.  I vaguely noticed a weird feeling following the delivery of her placenta, but I was still focused on my new baby.  It turns out that my "weird" feeling was passing two fist-sized blood clots from behind N's placenta from my two partial placental abruptions.

If I had ever needed more proof of God's continued miracles on this planet, that was it for me and anyone else in the room.  He is the reason those blood clots did not kill my baby.  He is the reason why my bedrest was enough to keep my preterm labor at bay.  He is the reason she was fine after having a large vial of amniotic fluid pulled from her lungs by the NICU team.  He is the reason why my pediatrician talked the hospital into not making me put N back in for her jaundice.  He is the reason I have her.  Period.  There is no question in my heart, mind, or soul.  He is the reason we named her what we did, because her name means, "Born of God."  Thank you, Lord, for the most amazing and stubborn and incredible little N a mother could have.

**Note: I have chosen not to include her full name or photos, because my blog is set to public.  I do not wish to allow photos of my children to on the web without strict controls over who can see the photos.  Thank you for understanding my concerns.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 7

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for new opportunities and the support of colleagues. 

I have been struggling a lot with the direction of my future once the end of August arrives.  What is so special about the end of August?  My baby will enter kindergarten, and I will no longer be a stay-at-home-mom.  At that point, I have no reason to stay at home any longer.  Yes, I know I could volunteer at school, clean my house even more, etc., but that is just not enough for me.  In fact, the majority of my closest friends were blown away by my decision to stay at home with my children in the very beginning, eleven years ago.  It was, and still is, the very best choice for my four daughters, and I do not regret making such a choice.  But it was still a surprising choice given my level of ambition and talent.  

Fast forward to, say, three months ago.  As my third daughter climbed up the steps of the bus for her first day of kindergarten, I suddenly realized that my days at home were numbered.  What did this mean?  Should I go back to school?  Should I dust off that worthless piece of paper that is my civil engineering degree and go back to it (enter vomiting motions here)?  Should I just continue to stay at home and practice my face off every day in order to get a playing job in a symphony?  

These questions and more have been flooding my head for months now.  Once the news about all these orchestras being frozen out by their management started multiplying, panic set in.  As a professional clarinetist, what prospects are left for my future?  Am I going to have to seek employment in Europe, where audiences still flock to orchestra concerts?  WIll I be able to find a job as a clarinet professor?  Is my profession on the wane?  With the rise in insipid, sophomoric popular music, is it still possible for the general public to enjoy music with real content in today's world?  I wish I knew the answers.  

In an effort to feel more included at the girls' new school and cultivate more connections to the music community in our school district, I began volunteering every Wednesday morning in the music room.  What a blessing that has been!  I cannot begin to say enough good things about the general music teacher and her Recorder Karate program.  These third graders are playing recorder, including traditional American hymns and folk music, and LOVING it.  I mean, LOVING it.  These fine young musicians work so hard every week to impress both me and their teacher with their progress.

This leads me to my reason for gratitude for today.  Alison, the general music teacher, asked me if I would consider teaching for our school district.  She said that I would make a fantastic addition to the program, and she knows that I would have the full support of several teachers.  That really made me think about my future and an option I had eliminated when I was eighteen.  As a freshman in undergraduate studies, I ruled out a degree in music education simply because of the marching band requirement.  The marching band practices conflicted with orchestra, and I was the only freshman clarinet player in orchestra.  I could not skip out on the type of playing I wanted to do for the rest of my life just to march around and play a shoddy plastic clarinet that would not be heard anyway.  I am a classical, orchestral clarinet player, and field marching just is not my "thing."  It never has been; it never will be.  So, I opted for the bachelors program in music performance instead.

That said, I think I may truly enjoy teaching general music or beginning band.  Ideally, I would love to work only with the beginner woodwind classes, but I realize this is a pipe dream.  So, I find myself now re-visting a career path for which I thought I did not have the patience.  I have not made up my mind as to whether or not I want to pursue this path, but to know that I have the votes of confidence from several members of the music teaching community in my school district really helps.  I still do not know what my future holds, but I do know it will involve music at all times.  That is just who I am.  My prayers have turned more toward trusting God to know what is best for me, and I know that He alone is the one in control of where my future leads.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 6

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for the generosity of strangers.  I was given some free alpaca merino wool in my favorite color from an incredible company, Shibui Knits, after commenting on their Ravelry page that I fell in love with their merino worsted yarn just before they discontinued it.  As in, I did not know it was discontinued until I went back to buy more less than a week after I bought the first skein.  

Today, Shibui posted a link to a free pattern on their Facebook page.  It happens to be for a gorgeous cowl in the exact color and yarn that they sent me to try for free.  What a blessing!  I am so in love with this pattern, and I cannot wait to make one for myself.  Thank you, Shibui Knits, for being a stand-up company that really aims to please its customers.

http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/ma1

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 5

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful that my dad's surgery went well. I can't wait to call and talk to him myself.

My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer last month, and he went in for seeded radiation surgery today.  I am so thankful to God for seeing my dad through the surgery without complication.  He is at home, resting and relaxing for a few days.  My prayers will continue for a full recovery and remission, and I know the Lord will grant those requests easily.  

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 4

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for a patient, kind, and loving husband. Did I mention patient? 

I have no qualms in admitting that I can be a bit, well, demanding.  Incredibly so, some days.  Through it all, my husband remains so patient with me, and I do not know what I would do without his support.  His sense of humor and ability to allow things to roll off his back have helped to bring down my somewhat higher level of maintenance over the past thirteen years together.  I pray that we can continue to laugh our way through the obstacles yet to come in life.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 3

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for knitting. It brings me so much joy, because nearly every item I knit is a gift for someone. Giving just makes me so happy. 

My wonderful mother-in-law taught me how to cast on, make a knit stitch, and make a purl stitch in February of 2006.  By the time I was put on bed rest with my third daughter in June 2006, I had surpassed Margaret's level of expertise.  That is how much I loved, and still love, knitting.  

Before I knew it, I was knitting hats, mittens, scarves, sweaters, and afghans.  Since then, I have branched out into my own patterns, learned to crochet, and started exploring alternative knitting methods (cabling without a needle, continental versus English hold, etc.).  My Ravelry queue is so packed that I will have knitting projects to keep me busy well beyond the zombie apocalypse.  

The most beautiful part: nearly every project I make is a gift for someone.  When the recipient opens his/her gift and lights up in delight, I cannot even begin to describe the overwhelming sense of joy I feel.  Joy in his/her delight, joy in my craftsmanship, joy in absolute appreciation, and joy in knowing that I have done something to bring him/her happiness.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 2

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for wonderful friends. I cannot begin to express how blessed I feel to have such amazing people in my life.

I would not know how to live my life if it were not for my friends.  These incredibly supportive, caring, kind, patient, and understanding men and women have added more depth to my soul than I ever could have imagined.  They make me feel loved, understood, and supported in a way that many others in my life have never been capable.  God has blessed me over and over and over again through my friends, and they are just as close and cherished as any family member could be.  I love each of them to the bottom of my heart and back again.  

Note: I would love to include photos of each person, but these were the only ones I could find quickly.  I will try to add more as I locate more.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 1

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting. 

Today, I am thankful we still have one working vehicle and the ability to reschedule events for my husband to take my van to work.

My husband's little 1998 Honda needs a new wheel bearing, so he does not want to drive it until it is fixed.  If he does, he risks the wheel falling off the car completely.  We replaced the other front wheel bearing just a few months ago, and we knew it was only a matter of time before the other would be due.  

We do our best to follow the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover method, so this car has to last us until we can pay cash for another one.  Each of our vehicles has a long list of work to be done on them, but we can only get to them one at a time.  Does that mean the four girls and I suffered through a long, hot summer with no air conditioning and only the front windows that opened on my van?  Indeed.  It was a non-essential expenditure, so the a/c repair was shunted to the bottom of our priority list.  The silver lining: the van will be paid off in the spring.

So, for now, I am sacrificing my workouts at the gym so that my husband can continue to be the bread winner.  Not much of a sacrifice, really.  We do have to be extremely careful not to be late for the bus in the mornings, though.  That would not be a fun walk.