Struggles of a Perfectionist Mother

On my drive to work today, I could not hold back my tears. I am failing my daughters, the eldest two in particular. 

These feelings began earlier this quarter, but seeing their current grades solidified my beliefs. The eldest is smart, sweet, sarcastic, and pretty studious. That said, she failed a geometry take-home test.

With a mathematics professor sitting on the sofa every evening. 

With a mother that did not force the issue. 

The second daughter, also in middle school, is brilliant, bright, sunshiny, and also snappy. She has a D in english, along with a low C in prealegra. 

With a mathematics professor sitting on the sofa every evening. 

With a mother that is trying to let her learn lessons the hard way. 

Their academics are falling through the cracks of my teaching job and clarinet studio. I am not sitting with them after school, looking over their lessons for the day, asking comprehension questions, and teaching them how to study instead of just doing homework. 

The weight of my responsibilities to my girls as a mom and as a teacher are weighing on me. I know I am working so that they can have braces and dance classes and basketball and music lessons and english tutoring (thank you, Anna!), but I feel like my work is keeping me from being that picture of the perfect mom I have in my mind; the mom I want to be for my girls. 

I am not sure what the perfect solution is to our situation, but I do know that I need to cut back my working hours a bit next semester and make a point of sitting with each of my four girls after school and looking through their work with them on the days I am home early enough to do so this semester. I have to.

They need me. 

And where does this thought lead me every time? I need my father, my Heavenly Father. Without the love, mercy, and grace of God, I cannot accomplish my goals for myself and my family. 

While considering my need for God this morning, He spoke to me through WGTS, the DC Christian music station on the radio. Up first was "Cornerstone," which could not have been more appropriate to my thoughts and prayers at that moment. Following "Cornerstone" was "Revelation Song," singing the words, "Holy, holy, holy; Is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come." What a true example of God working through my prayers and reassuring me that He hears me and can handle any plea I place before Him. Praise be to God!

Note: when I have the chance to edit this post from something other than my phone, I will include links to these beautiful and uplifting songs. 

Mom's Free Laundry Service

We have six people in our family, so I always have tons of laundry to do. Every single day. What happens when I do not do any laundry for several days? This:

My children are ages 11, 9, nearly-7, and 5, so I believe they should be doing more to help with the laundry. When we moved into this house, I began to make them all put away their own laundry, which has been great. The problem is that they neither bring me the laundry on a regular basis nor appreciate all the work I do in order to get their cute jeans, favorite dresses, and goofy socks back into their drawers and closets. 

I have decided that it is time for some changes in our house. 

Over the past year or so, I have gotten softer on the girls and my husband about the laundry routine, and it is grinding my days off to a halt now. I work three days per week, volunteer at school on one of my off days, and have zero desire to spend my remaining day off on laundry. When the girls and my dear husband return home today, they will find a scene like this:

While this particular room is my own bedroom, I have placed these notices in each of our three bedrooms. What does it say, you ask? Let me show you the new rules for laundry in my house as of today, Tuesday, October 22, 2013:

I am quite hopeful that my days of rounding up piles of clothing from my daughters' bedroom floors, hallways, the entryway, the family room, and the bathrooms are over. There will be some growing pains, I am sure, but I also realize that I am doing a disservice to my offspring and myself by not encouraging them to be even more independent about their laundry. It is not enough to show them one time how to load the washer or fold clothes from the dryer. It is time the girls learned to follow through the entire process.

It may be several more months before I feel comfortable with the two big girls actually running the washing machine and dryer; that is a lot of responsibility. See, there I go babying them again. When each of the girls turns twelve, I will teach her how to do laundry from beginning to end. There. Now, I have to do it. 

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 18

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful to have been raised by godly, wonderful, kind, loving, fair, supportive, firm, and responsible parents. 

I believe that people are products of nature and nurture, but nurture is definitely the largest component of personality and morality, in my opinion.  While I was not raised by my biological parents, I was blessed to be given the most incredible parents a child could want.  

My parents raised me to be respectful, responsible, faithful, determined, independent, educated, and kind.  These traits are now being passed on to my four daughters in much the same ways they were passed on to me via my dad's family.  My children can often be overheard saying, "Now I know where Mom learned how to be a Mom," when we are at my parent's home.  I love hearing those words, because they make me feel like I just might be able to live up to the example set for me by my parents and extended family.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 16

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for understanding teachers and the confidence to stick to my guns while teaching my daughter a tough lesson. 

Hitting one's sister with a shoe means that Mom is not turning around to get something said child forgot at home. After many manic pleas and tons of tears, we arrived at school, and I felt the need to speak with her teacher to explain. Her teacher understood and fully supported me. Thank you, Lord.