30 Days of Gratitude: Day 7

As I posted today on Facebook, I need to refocus my trust in God to provide what we truly need, so I think it is time to start up some thankful posting.

Today, I am thankful for new opportunities and the support of colleagues. 

I have been struggling a lot with the direction of my future once the end of August arrives.  What is so special about the end of August?  My baby will enter kindergarten, and I will no longer be a stay-at-home-mom.  At that point, I have no reason to stay at home any longer.  Yes, I know I could volunteer at school, clean my house even more, etc., but that is just not enough for me.  In fact, the majority of my closest friends were blown away by my decision to stay at home with my children in the very beginning, eleven years ago.  It was, and still is, the very best choice for my four daughters, and I do not regret making such a choice.  But it was still a surprising choice given my level of ambition and talent.  

Fast forward to, say, three months ago.  As my third daughter climbed up the steps of the bus for her first day of kindergarten, I suddenly realized that my days at home were numbered.  What did this mean?  Should I go back to school?  Should I dust off that worthless piece of paper that is my civil engineering degree and go back to it (enter vomiting motions here)?  Should I just continue to stay at home and practice my face off every day in order to get a playing job in a symphony?  

These questions and more have been flooding my head for months now.  Once the news about all these orchestras being frozen out by their management started multiplying, panic set in.  As a professional clarinetist, what prospects are left for my future?  Am I going to have to seek employment in Europe, where audiences still flock to orchestra concerts?  WIll I be able to find a job as a clarinet professor?  Is my profession on the wane?  With the rise in insipid, sophomoric popular music, is it still possible for the general public to enjoy music with real content in today's world?  I wish I knew the answers.  

In an effort to feel more included at the girls' new school and cultivate more connections to the music community in our school district, I began volunteering every Wednesday morning in the music room.  What a blessing that has been!  I cannot begin to say enough good things about the general music teacher and her Recorder Karate program.  These third graders are playing recorder, including traditional American hymns and folk music, and LOVING it.  I mean, LOVING it.  These fine young musicians work so hard every week to impress both me and their teacher with their progress.

This leads me to my reason for gratitude for today.  Alison, the general music teacher, asked me if I would consider teaching for our school district.  She said that I would make a fantastic addition to the program, and she knows that I would have the full support of several teachers.  That really made me think about my future and an option I had eliminated when I was eighteen.  As a freshman in undergraduate studies, I ruled out a degree in music education simply because of the marching band requirement.  The marching band practices conflicted with orchestra, and I was the only freshman clarinet player in orchestra.  I could not skip out on the type of playing I wanted to do for the rest of my life just to march around and play a shoddy plastic clarinet that would not be heard anyway.  I am a classical, orchestral clarinet player, and field marching just is not my "thing."  It never has been; it never will be.  So, I opted for the bachelors program in music performance instead.

That said, I think I may truly enjoy teaching general music or beginning band.  Ideally, I would love to work only with the beginner woodwind classes, but I realize this is a pipe dream.  So, I find myself now re-visting a career path for which I thought I did not have the patience.  I have not made up my mind as to whether or not I want to pursue this path, but to know that I have the votes of confidence from several members of the music teaching community in my school district really helps.  I still do not know what my future holds, but I do know it will involve music at all times.  That is just who I am.  My prayers have turned more toward trusting God to know what is best for me, and I know that He alone is the one in control of where my future leads.